Somewhere deep inside Aaron knew this anger he was feeling was unfair, misplaced, but now in the present moment of his physical pain. The pain that cut deep into his soul, he had no room for rational thought.
He was alone with her. The hum of the voices of the others were from a distant time, a place where none of this could be real. Aaron was a good looking man in his 30’s. In the passing weeks he had let himself go. Stubble shadowed upon the strong cheekbones of his face, giving him a rugged look. Dark strands of hair, which was starting to grow out, fell within his face while his head was bowed. His eyes once a bright blue now appeared dull as if the light had gone out of them. He stared down in silence at her.
One hand gripped tightly around the cold, hard edge of the casket. His knuckles bleached white from the strain. “How could you do this to me?” He spoke with his jaw tensed. While she remained, as if to mock him, in silence. To look at her, she appeared to be sleeping and at any moment she would wake up. Why couldn’t this be a dream? Aaron thought bitterly.
He closed his eyes unable to bare looking at her. “How could you leave me?” His voice starting to rise, yet unconsciously he was aware of those in the next room and he knew he did not want to rouse them. He could not take their awkward pity. The they looked at him as if he had a disease. Damn them all he thought.
“We made plans, you and I, together” With the growing anger, Aaron was becoming more abandoned to his emotions. His voice started to rise more so, unthoughtfully. “Did it mean NOTHING to you? The life we were going to have.” He demanded. There came a stirring in the other room followed by a hush. Someone, was it a friend? A relative? It did not really matter, approached. The intruder placed a hand upon Aaron’s shoulder as he spoke in a low voice, always with that hint of condensation, masked as compassion. The I know better than you and I am really sorry you are in pain, but you are starting to make the rest of us uncomfortable. ‘Maybe you should come away for a while, this isn’t what you need right now.”
Aaron turned to look at him. He had the strongest urge to punch the guy in the face, but he knew that would not help his case. With all the sane calmness he could muster, Aaron spoke. His voice low and quiet to mask the undertone, “Just leave me alone, please. I am fine.”
The spectator hovered for a moment in uncertainty, but ultimately was relived to have the responsibility removed and no longer burdened. He turned slowly and began to walk back to where the others waited, and chatter resumed again. Aaron found himself alone once more, knowing he could not afford another episode. He turned back to the coffin. A tear rolled down his cheek and splashed against her forehead.
