Archive for October, 2008

Touch Myself

{ October 23, 2008 @ 6:28 am } · { Freewrite }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

I touch myself in the darkness

where only I can see
and yet I am blind to all
but the sense of touch
while silence befalls around me
and the air is still
 
Quivering at the bottom of the well
watching the sky for some sign
the silver of the moon cannot reach me
while I feel the beating of cool stone
 
I try to breathe
and catch myself
in the act, as if guilty
of something I cannot grasp
 
But does it end in this?
I am left to drift into dreams
that evolve around me
and no longer
do I wait in the
empted out hollow space
 
But now, where am I
a room with only dim light
and the stench of stales cigarettes
this is not my place
the hands of the clock frozen
because I know this is not real
and yet my flesh and my bone
are alive here just as much
as on the other side of the wall
 
So I am lost
yet not afraid
I could die
only to wake
and while I plead
I defy
 
For here there is no one to watch
it is me alone within the dark
while I feel things out slowly
in the cold heat
which surrounds me
 
And the smoke curls up
releasing some truth
that can never be named

Behind Closed Doors

{ October 20, 2008 @ 4:30 am } · { Character Sketches }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

Everyone wonders the secrets that lay hidden behind closed doors. To the unassuming, and unobservant eye they would appear to be the picture-perfect family. But that is all it is, perfection as it can only exist within a photograph. A moment caught, with the intent of creating an illusion to preserve some happy memory. With forced smiles, and stiff poesies meant for others to view. But to those that are inquisitive, to those who make their life at putting together the pieces of the puzzle when they do not have the picture to guide them by. There are tells of the vainer, a subtle tension felt, everyone has their secrets laying deep inside. No one told them the All American family was just a hoax, and those that strive most to portray themselves in public as the mythos. The happy, average family, the ones that say things like “Pickles” on the count of there when having their picture taken. They are the ones with fetishes in their basement, affairs in the shadows, over controlling, over criticizing.
 
To look at him, there is nothing particularly striking, clean cut, graying hair, cardigan sweater tied around his neck, dressed in casual Khakis, yes, they are one of those couples that have children which should be their grand kids, but the kids, use words like daddy. You imagine he is the perfect candidate for some at home businessmen. The type that do not like under any circumstances to be disturbed while in their office. Working with the doors shut, perhaps with too much Internet porn flashing upon the screen. Or living some double life, where he enjoys leather and chains. They live in a two story house, and go about their lives stale and discontent.
 
Why did they wait so long to have kids, one too caught up in work for it to be “the right time” or perhaps, they had tried and failed, turned to fertility drugs. Which one failed to produce naturally. She speaks with a slight tension in the voice. Perhaps behind closed doors she takes a firm hand he looks just like the type that would cow before his wife, she must have everything just so, while the kids prattle on oblivious.
 
One must always seek to look beyond what is offered where intrigue and scandal lay just waiting to be told.

Eyes Half Shut

{ October 13, 2008 @ 5:48 am } · { Freewrite }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

Eyes half shut
wide awake
looking up to the sky
down below
on fallen wings
where shadows sing
just another game
moving round
the caracal
music rewinds
and plays again
it must be some sort of sign
something half-divine
while meaning nothing
but the sum
of the earth and the sky
beneath the shadows of the sun
where all souls go to die
but the end has just begun
where the beginning
is no more
another lasting breath
of smoke and mirrors
to play upon the walls
invisible dances
in these dusky halls
what do reflections matter
when they disappear
into gray marble
and the shimmering lake

Why Am I in Jail?

{ October 12, 2008 @ 2:14 am } · { Writing Exorcises }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

You wake up in jail and have no memory of how you got there. As you pace around the cell, you find five items in your pockets from the night before. As you look at each piece, the night slowly comes back to you. Write about your night, why you have these five items and how you ended up in jail.

Half Alive

{ October 11, 2008 @ 5:10 am } · { Freewrite }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

There is something I cannot grasp
I would say that it bites
but it is too dull for that
my head likes to spin upon its axis
while I wonder
at the dullness
that settles in
like dust
and old shoes
fading light
where I cannot see
I would make myself faint
but never could I be the one
who does that
Never liked the taste of the drama queen
but there is an attracting to living
in a world outside of my own
I wander upon the edge
I envy those who have a story to tell
there is no understading
the breathing monster
in me
I don’t try to be understood
only to watch
like a frog
in a pond
flowing
in and out of time
it is easy to do
when you find the right thread
and just being to pull it away
like peeling off skin
untill the blood makes you
realize what you have done
but then there is only laughter
solid soiled laughter
this is where we live
this is what we are
dancing in gutter pipes
cut myself on rusted glass
just becasue I can.

Day 9

{ October 6, 2008 @ 7:53 pm } · { Writing Journal }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

I know I have been really bad lately but I have been busy with school, but I am trying to crack the whip over myself again.

Today’s word count: 208

All In A Rush

{ October 4, 2008 @ 5:03 am } · { Freewrite }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

All in a rush it hits at once
there is no more hiding
where are there words
they fail the most
when you are endlessly trying

All in a rush it hits at once
no longer can you try and pretend
once when you thought you had made amends
I know these words are crap

What do they mean
nothing real just empty blubbering
what is thier purpose
to speak,
when you try and discover some truth
you hold back right when you have reached the peak

No breaking free
no reveal
locked inside yourself
what do you feel

Falling away
it begins to peel
like skin
now that it comes
you still fool yourself and wonder
which is true
and which is false

Is it all just a game
are you real
or made of parts
hewn and shaped
but by your own construction
how many fake emotions
have you molded from the clay

Yet what do you know
of your own feelings
hiding away
it was like a joke
but now
it might be bithed
into something more

But maybe this is the stage
are you seeking something
for yourself in this very moment
do you stand

Have you been made a fool
and so played the part of the fool
fooled others inadverntently
your deception was not intended
but was it to quickly made

What now is the purpose of this
but to hear yourself
speaking into the air
to be something more

Give it up
and chocke it down
is it yourself that you fool