Archive for September, 2008

Day 8

I have been busy which school so I have not been able to write in a while, but I did not want to slip up again so I got myself to do some writing today, though not much, hopefully it will keep the ball rolling so I will keep up with it regualarly.

Todays Word Count: 174

Day 7

I am happy that I did manage to get some writing done today. I am starting to get back on track again it seems. So far things are going well.

Todays Word Count: 326

What Lies Within

This is one of the first major writing projects I began though know I am not sure if it I am going to finnish it. Though I have not wanted to trash it. Not sure what to do with it as of now, maybe someday I will go back to it. It is still in rough draft form.

What Lies Within

 

            Jenny Dalton was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom of her loft as she carefully applies the black lipstick. The music from her stereo was blaring in the other room. She got a few complaints but she did not pay much attention to them. After she finishes she set the lipstick down and picked up the eyeliner, which was also black. She stood in her bra and panties her feet bare against the cool floor. The dress she intended to wear was thrown across her bed. Which was not so much of a bed really as a mattress upon the floor. She had an appointment tonight with some old friends of hers from high school. They had not seen each other in 15 years, sense their last day of high school. Sense what happened. They were having a party up on the old vista, it was a popular place to go to smoke, drink, and make-out. Everyone know the spot. Though that night they were the only ones there. Her, Jake, Priscilla, Jeremy, and Susan. Susan was no longer with them. She had been Jeremy’s girl at the time. They were all sitting around drinking and smoking when there was a sudden scream. Susan had fallen over the Cliffside, though nobody had seen the fall take place and it was a mystery what happened. It was accepted as an accident though some speculated that Susan killed herself. They did not know what to do, so no one said anything about it and after that night they never saw each other again. Now they were going to meet up. They all agreed to it.

 

            Priscilla McCarthy was just finishing up at work at Club Inferno, or The Inferno as it was commonly referred to, and aptly named for it was the hottest club in Belleview and was always packed full. She was a bar tender there, she was taking off early now to get ready for the meeting she had this evening. She had agreed to go, and would not back out now but she was not sure about this. She did not know why what happened bothered her so much. She and Susan were not that close. It was horrible what happened to her, sure, and she did not deserve it, but things happen like that to people all the time. There was something different about this something she could not quite name. Even though she had not spoken with or had contact with any of her old friend’s sense it happened she knew somehow they were all affected by it. That is changed them, who they are. Like a shadow cast over some light. It sounded crazy she knew. Maybe she was just feeling guilty, she supposed she always had a thing for Jeremy and wanted Susan out of the way, but not like that. Now that did not matter now. She grabbed her purse and headed out of the club going out the back door to avoid the crowds and she got into her VW Bug starting the engine she turned on some rock and headed out to her apartment to get ready.

 

            “Can I help you office?” Said Jake Lauder in that cocky tone of his offering one of his charismatic smiles as he leaned out the window of his supped up custom sports car. The officer did not look amused standing with pad and pen in hand looking down though his sunglasses. “Do you know how fast you were going boy?” Of course he knew, it was no accident but he did not want to mess around this time. He had to be somewhere. He received the call from Jeremy they were all getting together. He was all for the idea. He thought it was silly how they all acted. Not that he did not feel bad, but really. It was an accident. They did not need to punish themselves over it. “No sir, but it must have been wrong.” He answered the cop looking into the officer’s sunglasses through his own blue eyes. Jake had in fact been in and out of jail a few times mostly for illegal car racing. “105” the officer replied his face sour deep frown lines drawn over his face. “License and registration.” Jake leaned over opening up the glove compartment as he pulled out his registration then pushing up a bit dug his wallet out of his back pocket and handed his licensee and registration to the cop. After taking it and looking it over deciding it was good he handed it back and wrote out the ticket then handed it to Jake. “Don’t let me catch you again.” Jake took the ticket and his license and registration back putting his things away then looking back to the cop with a grin nodding his head. “Sure thing officer.” After the cop walked back to his car and got it Jake started up his own and pulled back onto the road to continue on his way.

 

            Jeremy Higgins took a long drag from the cigarette as he sat on the edge of his bed in his apartment, stark naked. Lying upon the bed behind him twisted up within the sheets and equally naked was Shawn Edgers. Yes Shawn was his boyfriend. He had met Shawn in college. None of his old friends that he was going to meet today knew him or anything about this. It would have felt awkward to tell over the phone, but he had asked Shawn to come with him to dinner. He said he would. In hindsight this meeting was primarily his idea. He called everyone up after taking them done which was not easy. Before Susan they had all made a pact not to loose touch after high school. Something drove him now to try and make good on that. He supposed that he should be the one most affected by what happened. After all back then Susan was his girl, and it was not that he didn’t care about her. She was a sweet girl. She didn’t deserve what happened. He grieved but it was not who he was. They were just a bunch of stupid kids then. He turned to look down to Shawn with a weak smile. “So you sure about this? I mean you won’t know anyone and it is going to be awkward enough as it is” Shawn moved to sit up in the bed his blond hair in something of a mess, bed hair they called it. Giving a light chuckle he draped one of his arms around Jeremy’s shoulder. “Yeah, hey it will back a nice conversation peace to break up any uneasy silence.” He then got up and walked over to the closet as he began to rummage though. Jeremy laughed tuning to put out the cigarette on in the ash tray on the nightstand as he soon rose. “Yeah, I guess it would. Well we better get ready. It is getting late.” Making his way to the closest was well he gave Shawn a playful swat on the rear before sifting through is own clothing.

 

            Around 6’o’ clock they all met up in the front of Jaspers the restaurant they had agreed upon for the get together. When they first arrived it was quite awkward at first. They all look so different then they remembered. Granted this was to be expected normally, but in their case it was different. In high school they had all been relatively normal suburban kids. They were not a part of the jocks and cheerleaders, but nor were they part of any sub group or clique. Now it was like they had come from completely different worlds. Jenny was dressed in classic black. Wearing a sleeveless simple dress that came just above her knees and was joined by a pair of knee high black boots, fingerless lace gloves adorned her arms. A lace chocker around her neck from which hung a small red tear drop which looked like a drop of blood. Even her hair was died black and cut short to rest just at her shoulders. Priscilla wore a spaghetti strap white tank with a sequined decal of a large pair of red lips across her chest, long slung white washed jeans, and thongs upon her feet. Her long brown hair was now streaked in blond highlights. She even looked skinner then usual, not that she was ever big to begin with. It seemed almost unhealthy. Jason was in a pair of camouflage pants with combat boots and a simple red t-shirt. His blond hair was slightly spiked, tattoos could be seen covering over his arms, and his face was pierced in several places. One in the lip, one in the nose, one on his left brow, and a few upon his ears, and his face was unshaven. Jeremy was the most clean cut and of the bunch. He wore a dress shirt that buttoned up in neutral colors, a pair of Dockers and dress shoes. His face was cleanly shaven and his dark brown hair neatly combed. Shawn a bit more causal wore a pair of jeans and a sweater with tennis shoes. His blond hair seemed still in something of the same mess as when he first got out of bed.

            After they got over the initial surprise of everyone’s appearance the awkwardness continued as they were unsure how to great one another at first. Should they hug? Or had it been to long for that? Maybe just shake hands? Or would that be too informal? Eventually they all settled on short brief half hugs and the usual how do you dos? You like great etc. Once that greeting process was over Jeremy took the task of introducing Shawn to his old friends. Jenny’s response was perhaps the most unsettling out of all of them. She seemed some how completely unparsed in a way that gave him the eerie feeling she already knew. Priscilla seemed to take it the worst. She was the most shocked at the news though it did not take long for her to recompose herself from the initial surprise there was still something that seemed unsettled about her. Jason perhaps took it the most normally. If there was a normal way to take such a thing. Though for the briefest moment he seemed almost angry. A shadow seemed to cast over his face, but it faded so quickly that Jeremy could have just been imagining things. Jason was the first of them all too formally welcome and greet Shawn holding out his hand to him in an offered shake. Shawn took all of this in his usual good natured stride. More amused then anything about the proceedings. He came not only to support Jeremy but to observe. It was something he liked to do. After all of this was done with and out of the way they all turned to head inside and get a table.

            After a short wait they were led to their table. Jenny sat down at one end of the table and on her right Priscilla sat, taking the seat next to her was Jake. Jeremy sat at the other end of the table across from Jenny, and on Jenny’s left Shawn sat. After they sat a silence would befall the group as they turned their attention to reading the menu. Jaspers was the kind of place that appealed to everyone. It was one part sports bar and one part restaurant and had everything from burgers to fettuccini. It was contemporary and new. Always buzzing with business men and college students alike. After a few minutes the waitress would make her way over to their table. She wore a dress shirt which said Jaspers across the front of it and a long black skirt. There was no real uniform just a standard dress code. “Welcome to Jaspers, may I start you off with something to drink, or are you ready to give your order?” Jeremy cast a glance over the group as if for confirmation if they were all ready. Receiving nods from the rest of them he turned back to the waitress and smiled. “I think we are ready.” Jenny and Shawn both went Italian and Priscilla and Jake went for burgers. Jeremy went for seafood and ordered a bottle of wine for the table.

            After the waitress took their order and the menus and headed off Jeremy decided to get the ball rolling so to speak. “So what has everyone been doing lately? There is a lot of catching up to do.” There was an unspoken understood agreement between them not to say anything of the past of Susan but stick only to the future and present. Jenny would be the one to take the initiative now that Jeremy had broken the ice. “I went to the Art Institute to study now I am working as an artist. I have a show coming up this weakened. It will be in a gallery in the Heights. It should be a good turn out.” At least something’s had not change. Though he never remembered Jenny being very interested in art, they always had played off each other like this. Jeremy and Jenny were the bold ones. The first to grab the bull by the horns when the others were at a loss, and Jeremy was always on the one to have to give the first push to get her going which then got everyone going. After her Jake whom was never very shy would take his turn. At least his field of choice did not seem so foreign to him. Jake always liked cars in high school. “I am working down at Vicks Auto body shop. Do a lot of custom jobs there. Supe up cars, paint, accessories that kind of thing. Mostly young punk kids into the street racing scene.” He did fail to mention that, it was not only the scene of young punk kids but of himself as well.  After him Priscilla would take her turn. Though she seemed a bit reluctant or almost shy as she began to speak. That was most unlike her. Or what had once been her. She used to be so outgoing. “Well I am working as a bar tender in the Club Inferno. It is a happening place. Mostly college kids who like to party Friday night. The place is always jumping.” Jeremy listened to all of them as he sipped lightly from the wine which he had ordered and had arrived sometime during their discussion. Once they were all done he would step up and take his turn now. “I am working as journalist of an alterative magazine called The Underground. Shawn is the editor. We met in college and got together with some friends of his to start the magazine.” Shawn smiled and nodded his head as if to confirm what Jeremy had just said.

            Soon after their talking catching up the food would arrive. Though after the initial breaking of the ice the conversation began to flow more easily between them. While they ate they spoke mostly of their relationships, or lack there of. At the moment all attending were single except for Jeremy. Though most had been in and out of relationships over time. Jake was something of a player. He was not looking for anything serious he just liked to have fun now and then, and had been with various different girls. Mostly for physical comforts and needs. Priscilla had recently broken up with her boyfriend of 6 months. She herself was not sure she wanted anything too serious, but she was looking for something a little more then Jake was. Jenny had stayed out of the dating scene and had not really been evolved but just concentrated upon her work. Once their meal was finished and the bill spilt up and paid they started rising to get ready to go. It was agreed that they would get together again on Saturday at the gallery for Jenny’s art show.

            Despite the fact that things went well and they even shared a few laughs and a feeling of more normality came over the group, they all withheld things. Things they would have normally spoken of. Helped each other with. They tried to justify this with the fact it had been so long it would have been strange to get too intimate, but they all felt that sense of needing to protect themselves. From that they did not completely know.

            After they left the restaurant and said their good byes they all began to break up and go their separate ways to their cars. Somehow this whole idea of trying to get back together again like this seemed wrong Priscilla thought on her way back to her car. She was not sure way. It was just a feeling. Maybe it was all subconscious because of what happened and she had after all agreed to their plans. She could have easily made up an excuse not to come tonight, and meet again this Saturday but she didn’t. A part of her wanted to do this. Upon reaching her car she unlocked the door and got in closing the door as she slipped into the seat she stuck the key in the ignition and started up the car. It puttered then died. “Shit” she hit the dashboard in frustration and then she tried again to get the same result as before. The battery must be dead she thought as she leaned back against the seat closing her eyes. She found herself thinking of Jeremy and Shawn. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Sort of shy and funny at the same time. She should be happy for them at least they seemed to have their life together. She was happy for them she told herself. There was no reason not to be. Even if it was possible she could not have really expected something to happen. Not after so long and it is not as if she had ever since high school made any attempts to get in touch with Jeremy. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a tapping on her window she opened her eyes and looked over to see Jake she smiled weekly then pushed open the car door stepping out. “Car won’t start.” He flashed one of his charming smiles that he was always known for. Though somehow it did not have the same effect with his new look. Before it was always so shy and sheepish now it was almost lude. He pushed her car door closed for her as she got out then motioned to his car. “Want a ride?” She smiled a bit more so feeling oddly uncomfortable but relived at the same time. “Yeah that would be great, thanks” He walked over opening the door of his car for her and she got into the passengers seat he then walked around to get behind the wheel. Starting up the car he began to pull out of the parking lot then looked back to her. “I will send a tow trunk tomorrow to pick it up and take a look at it at the shop.” She nodded her head as she looked to him as they began to drive down the road feeling the light evening breeze against her from the convertible. “Thank you”

            The hot red sports car pulled up in front of her apartment building and came to a stop as she opened the car door and stepped out she smiled looking back to Jake. Their ride to her house had been relatively silent but it was good to have some company and she found herself not wanting to be alone. “Want to come up? The place is something of a mess I know.” He began to get out of the car after her put the top up and then locked the door walking toward her. “Sure” She led him up to her apartment digging her key out of her purse and pushing the door open she hit the light switch and led him in then closed the door behind her. “Make yourself at home. Do you want anything?” He walked over to the couch pushing away a pile of clothing as he sat resting his feet on the coffee table where he found room. It was cluttered with dishes from past meals. “Have any beer?” She walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a couple cans of beer then walked back tossing one to him she walked to the couch pushing the clothes on the floor as she sat next to him popping open her can.

 

            Jeremy and Shawn just pulled up to their place. They had a rather nice apartment and Jeremy was something of a neat freak. Getting out of the car he began to walk up to the building as Shawn soon joined just behind him. Once they were in the room he turned on the lights tossing the keys into a try that was kept on a book shelf by the door then began to pull off his shirt on his way to the bedroom. Shawn followed after him sitting on the bed as he began to undress. Once Jeremy was in only his boxers he turned to face Shawn whom now sat in his shorts on the bed. Jeremy began to walk over to the bed with a little smile a he sat down next to Shawn. “So what did you think?” Shawn smiled sheepishly as he leaned over pressing his lips against Jeremy’s lightly then pulling back. “It was interesting. Fun I guess. Strange group.” Jeremy laughed lightly and nodded his head as she pushed Shawn on his back teasingly and leaned over him resting a hand on his stomach. “You going to come with us on Saturday?” Shawn chuckled as he looked up to Jeremy. “Yeah Hun I will come. Why don’t you get to bed I have some things I still want to look over for the magazine then I will join you shortly.” Jeremy pouted a bit sticking out his lower lip then slipped away from Shawn and flopped over on his back on his side of the bed pulling the covers over him.

            Shawn got up slowly then walked over to the computer and sat down in the chair as he turned the computer on, signing onto the internet he brought up a search engine then typed in the name Susan Quincy. Jeremy was always reluctant to talk about the past though he did tell Shawn about what happened…..about the accident. Though he never really went into any detail and always closed up when it was mentioned. After a while Shawn stopped asking about it. Jeremy swore there was never any more to tell, but after tonight meeting the group his suspicions were reconfirmed that there was more to it then met the eye. Maybe it was just the journalist in him that drove him to need to know. After a few moments a clipping was pulled up onto the screen about what happened. He read a few lines from it briefly.

 

Susan Quincy was found dead at the age of 18. No one really knows what happens it

is alleged by friends to have been an accident. Her friends whom requested to remain

nameless were with her when the incident happened. They claim that when they were

out partying they heard a sudden scream, but none of them seem to have actually seen

the fall. They speculate she was drunk as simply lost her balance and fell over. Though

there is some speculation that it was actually a suicide. There is no evidence to suggest that

there was any fowl play on the part of her friends.

 

            He clicked the print icon and when the printer suddenly jumped into laugh he threw a glance over his shoulder and smiled a bit relived to see that Jeremy had not budged and seemed to be sleeping soundly. After the article was printed out he took it and opened a drawer in the desk stashing the article in his folder then putting it away he turned off the computer and got up walking to the bed he claimed into next to Jeremy turning out the light and going to sleep.

 

            The alarm was buzzing and Priscilla slowly woke up and reached over tuning it off as she looked at the cloak. She had a few hours yet before she had to get to work. She had slept in till noon. She rolled over to lie upon her back in the bed after hitting off the alarm when she turned her head to the side to see Jake sleeping naked tangled up in the sheets next to her. She did not intend for this to happen. It was not once on her mind. It just sort of did happen. Though she did not really regret it happening either. What was the big deal, they were both adults entitled to engage in such things. Sure she was never really attracted to Jake and she was not even sure she was attracted to him now. He was not a bad looking guy just not her type really, but it was good. He was good. She wondered if this would change things, complicate things. Make it all the more awaked or would they just carry on like nothing happened. It was not as if she was expecting any sort of a relationship or anything. They were just two lonely people that had a little to drink and comforted each other. A one night stand if you will if you can have those with people you know. She was not sure. She slipped out of the bed slowly and began to walk into the bathroom looking at herself in the mirror as she began to turn on the sink when she just realized she would have to ask Jake for a ride to work later.

 

            Jenny was busy getting ready for her show which was coming up in just a couple of days. She upon the wooden stool in front of the easel looking over the unfinished piece she intended to enter. A brush and pallet upon the stand next to her along with a cup of coffee. She sat in the black slip she wore to bed her feet bare as she pressed her heals up her toes against the cool floor. She hadn’t bothered to dress yet or shower. Her hair still a mess from bed. She wanted to get right to work. She did not have much time left to finish. She reached over picking up the brush and the pallet as she dipped the brush into the pain and then began to apply it to the canvas. As she worked thoughts of last nights affairs ran within her head. She was not really surprised to find out about Jeremy and Shawn. She supposed on some subconscious level she already knew. Her and Jeremy were always really close, they had a separate special bond it seemed that was unknown by the rest of the group. It was nothing intimate, at least not on the physical level. It was almost a brother and sister type of thing. There were clues she supposed thinking back that at first would seem to mean nothing, but made sense if you knew what you were looking for.

            She reached over taking hold of her cup as she brought it to her lips sipping from it then set it down again and went back to her work She was in a zone now. This is how she worked best without thinking about it. She just went with her instinct and impulse. Sometimes she did not even know what the painting would like or how it would turn out until it was done. When she got into her zone she could just sit painting for hours, though every now and then she could break for a caffeine fix to keep her going.

 

            Shawn sat within his chair at the computer desk leaning back in the chair and rocking it slightly back and forth his legs were up on the desk with one ankle crossed over the other a pencil held poised to his lips. He sat in only his shorts, as he often did when lounging around the apartment. Jeremy was out working on a new story, had an interview with a leader of some new heavy rock band. Sometimes he went along on these trips just for fun. Even though he was the editor of The Underground, he had something of the journalist sprit within him, but this time he opted not to go. Said he had some work to catch up on. A few things to look into and maybe part of that was true. He did not really like going behind Jeremy’s back it was not something he really did, but he knew the guy would never go along with this. Upon his lap sat his file opened up to the article he pulled off the internet the night before. The one about Susan and her death. He leaned over slowly dropping the legs of the chair back to the ground as she reached for the phone and picked it up he then began to push in the numbers dialing slowly almost hesitantly, but he was determined to go through with this, he had to. As the phone began to rink he just held it to his ear and waited. One ring, two, three, he was thinking no one would answer, no one was home then there was a voice. It sounded a bit strained he thought or tired, maybe he called at a bad time. ‘Hello” he said. “This is Shawn, we met last night. I do not know if you would remember. I hope I am not bothering you. I got your number from Jeremy.” That was in part true, he found the number in Jeremy’s address book. “Oh yeah, hi.” Jenny replied. “ I was just working on some last minute stuff for the show, it is fine. Will you becoming? Nothing is wrong is it? With Jeremy or anything?” There was a pause before he spoke again. “No, no, nothing like that, I am sorry I did not mean worry you. Yes I will be there looking forward to it. Listen this might be a bit awaked but well I was wondering if I could ask you some questions?” Her voice seemed timid at first almost reluctant like she already knew what he wanted, it unnerved him in a way. “Oh, uh yeah I guess that would be alright…..don’t know what you would want to ask though….I mean you probably know Jeremy better then I now. I assume that is what you want to talk about.” He thought about just dropping the matter and coming up with some stupid childhood questions to ask about Jeremy, but know he could not do that. He continued as planned slowly and carefully though. “Yeah, something like that….listen I well I guess I was wondering about Susan….Susan Quincy. Jeremy hasn’t told me much about it. I guess I am just curious I knew he was close to the girl and all.” There was a long silence for a moment he expected to hear the clink of the phone and be hung up but then she spoke. Her voice seemed frightened or desperate. “I really do not think I can tell you anything more they he can. I did not see anything none of us did…it was just an accident that is all……there was a scream and we all looked and she was just gone….we found out she went over the edge. I am sorry but that is all I can really tell you. We were drunk all of us. Just kids.” “Yeah thanks sorry to bother you.” Shawn replied. He did not think he was going to get anymore from her about it, and maybe she really did not know anything more. That whole thing just did not sit well with him. He leaned over and slowly dropped the phone back into place feeling completely unsatisfied, but then he did not know what he really expected to get from the call.

            After the call when the air on the phone went dead Jenny set the phone back down and turned around slowly to find Susan’s eyes staring back at her from the canvas. She of course did not mean to paint Susan’s portrait. It had been the furthest thing from her mind. She did not even know what she had done until after it was too late. She couldn’t show this not with everyone coming to the show. It would be like some cruel joke. She walked over to the canvas a part of her just wanted to destroy or throw it away, but that would be like killing Susan all over again to her. Instead she looked around the room then picked up a blanket and flung it over the canvas hiding the image from her sight. She was going to be one piece short for the show if she did not get herself together here. “I am not going crazy, it is not happening over again. It was just seeing everyone again that is all.” She spoke to herself as she made her way back into the kitchen with her mug to pour a fresh cup of coffee.

 

            Jake had finally risen from his slumber and was currently in the bathroom the door was closed though left open a crack. He could hear the sounds of Priscilla getting ready for work as he stood at the toilet taking a piss. They had not spoken about anything that happened the night before. There was no reason for either of them too. He had agreed to give her a lift to work before he checked back in with the auto body shop. He could more or less show up at work whenever he felt like it. After he finished his business in the bathroom he pulled up his pants flushed then moved to the sink turning it on and washing his hands. Reaching over he turned off the water and dried his hands then giving a glance out the crack in the door he reached up and began to open the medicine cabinet. It was a bad habit of his. Something he did to all girls he slept with. He tried to tell himself this was not just some girl he slept with but an old friend, but still found himself unable to help himself even if perhaps he felt a faint tinge of guilt that was usually absent.

            He had a belief that you could tell a lot about a woman by what she kept in her medicine cabinet. He pushed it open to find it to be quite normal, not really sure what he expected to find he was almost disappointed. There were some bottles of aspirin, some make-up, and birth control pills. For some reason this made him grin a bit. He closed the cabinet then and opened up the door stepping out into the room he walked to the bed and picked up his shirt pulling it on as he looked over to her. “Ready to go?” She nodded her head. “Yes I think so, thanks again” Together they walked to the door and out of the apartment building down to his car. He opened the door for her then after she got in he went around to the driver’s side and started the car and began to head off to her work as she instructed him how to get there.

            After dropping her off to work he made his way to the auto body shop upon arriving at work he called a toy truck and had it drive by Jaspers to pick up the VW as he said he would. Some time later when the car arrived he told the tow truck driver where to put it then he thanked the man and paid him. After the tow truck pulled out and left he walked over to the car to check it out. After dinner the other night Priscilla had left the keys in the car though the door was never locked. She was lucky it seemed like no one messed with it or was snooping around. He pulled open the door and leaned inside the car popping open the hood when he found the latch before pulling out of the car to take a look he paused and reached over for the glove department. He leaned more so into the car until he settled into the drivers seat opening the glove department. Glove departments to him were like medicine cabinets and he looked with a mixture of guilt and excitement for personal information he knew he had no business looking for or knowing. He sifted through sunglasses, loose change, some packages of bubble gum, pamphlets about the car, registration information when something caught his eye and he reached over to draw a slip of paper out of the glove department looking it over with curiously. It was a release slip from a rehab clinic. Well that was interesting so she was a junky. After a few moments he put the paper away and closed the glove department as he began to get out of the car to actually get to work. He wondered if she was really clean or still used. That would explain her almost unhealthy appearance and her dead end job and junk apartment. As kids she was a bright girl and had a good family she could have done better for herself if she did not fall into anything like that.

 

            Shawn looked at the clock, he had about an hour before Jeremy was do back from the interview. He slowly got up as he walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen grabbing a bowl and getting some cereal he poured the milk into the bowl as he began to eat he dug out the phone book placing it on top of the table flipping through until he found a listing for Club Inferno. He wrote down the addresses then closed the book putting it away. He had no idea if Priscilla would be working there now, but he thought he would swing by. He did not really know what Jeremy would think of what he was doing but he certainly felt like he was seeking around behind his boyfriends back. Not a feeling he liked, but he felt driven and almost obsessed with finding the truth.

 

            Shawn pulled up to the club in his car. Finding a place to park was difficult. Just like Priscilla said at dinner the place seemed to be jumping. He finally found a space pulling in then stepping out of the car he made his way up to the door with no real idea just how he was going to approach Priscilla with what he wanted to ask her. He figured he would just wing it. He pushed open the double doors that were the clubs main entrance, and instantly the loud music was drumming in her ears and he could see the flashing strobe lights as he pushed his way through the dancers making his way up to the bar. His eyes scanned over the men and women that stood behind the bar looking for a familiar face when he spotted her and smiled a bit to himself. It was nervous unsure smile, he felt almost as if a part of him wished she had not been here, but he could not turn back now. He found room at the counter of the bar squeezing in and waited for a moment until she looked free.

            Before anyone else could beckon to her he raised one of his hands and shouted her name hopping to be heard over the music trying to get her attention. It seemed to have worked for she turned around and looked a bit surprised to see him there. She made her way over to where he stood having to all but shot even though they were face to face. “Hey, what brings you out this way?” He glanced around him for a moment not wanting to have to shout across the bar with her the conversation he was looking to have. “Hey, listen do you think there is somewhere we can go to talk? She looked to him a bit oddly for a moment wondering what this was all about. The thought that something happened to Jeremy crossed her mind and she nodded her head at last to him. “Yeah, alright, I will take my break now, meet around the back door just through there.” She extended her arms and pointed in the general direction of where they were to meet, though he could not really see anything through the sea of people he had the general idea and nodded as he moved off from the bar and headed in the direction he was directed too.

            He had only been standing there at the back door for a few minutes when Priscilla came up to him and pushed the door open leading him out they both stepped outside into the ally and after closing the door closed again behind them looked up to him. “Is something wrong? Did something happen? She asked and he shook his head standing with his back leaning to the door crossing his arms over his chest though not looking directly at her at first but past her. This was not going to be easy. He had no idea how she would react. “Uh, no, nothing like that. There are just some questions I wanted to ask about Jeremy’s past you know. I mean about what happened when you all split up. He doesn’t talk about it much.” After he had finished speaking Shawn focused his gaze upon Priscilla wanting to see her reaction to try and read her while he braced himself for anything. At first she just stood there looking too stunned to say anything then her face seem to twist into anger almost but she did not raise her voice as she spoke there was something frantic in her tone. “What? Why do you think I would know anything? What does it matter to you anyway? Whatever he told you about it is enough. I can’t tell you anything. There is nothing more to be said.” He nodded his head gravely as he listened to her. It seemed he was not going to get anywhere. He did not want to push to hard. “I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you. I was just curious. I know Jeremy was close to the girl.” “Listen I have to get back to work now. Let me give you a piece of advice, what happened does not matter now. Don’t dig up old graves. People have a right to move on.” Priscilla said before turning without giving him a chance to reply and pushing open the door to move back into the club. Shawn knew there would be no point in trying to pursue her. He would not get anything further, so he just turned and began to walk back around toward the front of the building where is car was, Priscilla’s words rang through his mind. What that a threat of some kind? Did she really know more then what she admitted? It was too soon to make assumptions, but it all seemed so ominous.

            Shawn made his way over to his car and opened the door stepping inside then closing the door behind him. Once he was seated in the car he stuck the key in the ignition and looked at his watch. He had about half and hour before Jeremy was due back home. He wanted to get home before Jeremy did to avoid any uncomfortable questions regarding where he had been. He did not want to have to lie to Jeremy’s face, this sneaking around was bad enough. He started up the car then pulled out of the parking lot out onto the road heading toward Vicks Storage. There was one more thing he wanted to check out before returning home. Vicks is where Shawn and Jeremy kept whatever they decided was not necessary for the apartment but for whatever sentimental reasons should not be disposed of. In order to save money they decided to share one cell.

            It was not long before Shawn was pulling into the driveway for Vicks, the place was dead as usual, there were a few other cars in the lot but no sign of anyone around. After he parked he stepped out of the car locking it then made his way down toward cell number 465, after finding it he took his key unlocking it then pushing open the door as it rattled up with a clang then he stepped inside the dark storage hall some light spilling in from the open door he found the chain for the light on the ceiling and pulled it with a click. The light flickered a moment taking a while before it turned on. Shawn turned toward the right side of the cell. Jeremy and he decided to divide their things Shawn’s on the left and Jeremy’s on the right. What Shawn was doing did make his stomach turn a bit and he felt a little dirty but he pressed on searching over the various boxed before he reached up pulling one of them down he set it on the floor and kneeled opening it up he dug through it.

            After a short while he pulled up a small stack of yearbooks, from Jeremy’s high school years. Shawn then sat down upon the ground as he began to open the first one. Flipping through to the back he looked up the name Susan Quincy in the index. Upon finding it he began to flip through the various pages she was listed as being on. He did not know what he expected to find as he began to look over the snapshots of her. What could a bunch of old yearbook photos tell him? Of course in all the pictures she looked happy, normal, everyone did. Maybe it was just a way to get in touch with her. To know her, see what she was like on the outside at least. There were a few pictures of her and Jeremy together. They had more of a brother sister appeal then high school sweethearts. He proceeded to flip through the rest of the yearbooks. It seemed she was one of those girls that was chosen to be photographed frequently. One of those kids that was snapped while looking like she was studying, or laughing with friends, eating lunch, but she did not belong to anything. No clubs, not in band, or a cheerleader. He also noticed that she was rarely caught in any of the photos with anyone other then one of the gang of friends that included Jeremy, Jenny, Priscilla and Jake. After a moment of not really learning anything he put the books back then closed up the box again and pushed it back up on the shelf.

 

The day had poured on and the sun was starting the first signs of its descent in the sky when Jason was starting to finish up work for the day. He checked the clock and saw that it was almost time for Priscilla to get off work. He had arranged to pick her up then bring her back here to her car which was now fixed. He decided to head over to the club, thinking by the time he arrived or shortly after she should be ready to go. He cleaned up and walked out to his car getting in and starting up the engine he pulled out and headed for the club. It was not long before he arrived and pulled into Club Inferno’s parking lot. Stepping out of the car and closing the door behind him he made his way up to the doors and pushed his way in. He rather enjoyed the atmosphere of the club and danced his way through the crowd toward the bar. On his way to find Priscilla he did enjoy a rub against the body of this or that woman.

            Upon reaching the bar at last in good humor her leaned against it with a sheepish smile as he looked around until he spotted her and whistled putting a hand in the air waving until she saw him and came over to where he was. “I came to pick you up, about ready to go?” He shouted over the music. She offered a weary smile from the days work then nodded her head to him and turned disappearing for a moment before she came back into sight with her purse walking around the bar over to where he stood. “Yeah, lets get out of this joint” She began to push her way through the crowds toward the doors, with him close behind her making sure to get a few steps ahead of her so he could open up the doors for her. Hey he was not a complete jack ass. After she stepped out with a nod and lot mutter of gratitude he walked her to his car opening the passenger side for her then once she was in he closed the door and moved around to the other side and got in the drivers seat starting up the car and pulling out of the parking lot. “I got your car all fixed up for you. It was really know big deal. I will take you over to the shop where you can drive the car home from there. Priscilla nodded her head and smiled to him. “Thanks a lot” He gave a small boyish shrug more of a mockful gesture. “It was nothing any time” They would drive along the road in silence for a moment before she would speak again. “Hey you haven’t spoken to Shawn recently, sense dinner last night I mean by any chance have you?” He found the question a bit strange wondering why she would think he would and turned to look to her a moment before returning his gaze back to the road and shaking his head. “No, why would you ask that?” She was about ready to explain to her what happened when something she did not understand stopped her and she just shook her head. “I don’t know. I was just wondering is all.” He could tell there was something else there but something told him not to push and so he said nothing and only continued to drive. The rest of the trip would be made in silence though it was not a truly awaked silence. Just two people that had nothing to say to each other and did not feel like starting up some bullshit.

            He pulled into the shop just as it was starting to darken out and got out of his car then walked around letting her out. He made his way into the shop and pulled the keys for her car off the hook on the all then moved back out to where she was standing waiting by his car where he left her. Upon his return he led her to her car and handed her the keys. She thanked him once more then opened the door and stepped inside her car getting ready to close the door and start up he stopped her suddenly as something came to him and digging into his wallet he handed her his card which he his cell phone number on it. “Here I almost forgot, if you have any more trouble with her.” He patted the roof of the car with one hand. “Then just give me a call and I will have a look at her for you again.” Priscilla took the card from him and dropped it into her purse which she threw on the passengers seat and stuck the key in the ignition. “Thanks a lot.” She then pulled the door closed and he backed up out of the way as she turned out of the parking lot and headed off.

 

            Shawn did make it up before Jeremy much to his relief and was currently sitting at the computer typing in what he learned if anything at all from the conversations he had with Jenny and Priscilla. He thought perhaps he was getting a little obsessed but could not help the burning need he felt. When he heard the front door open up he knew it was Jeremy and a bit of painful anxiety crept through him. He wondered for a moment if this is what it felt like to have an affair and if so he could not imagine why anyone would do it. Shawn quickly hit the save icon then pulled out the disk closing the screen. Just as he drooped the disk in the same file with the article he printed off the internet Jeremy walked in. “Hey Hun, you have not been there working all this time have you?” Shawn turned in the chair to face Jeremy with a smile and shook his head. ‘Nah babe, I had something to eat and was just fooling around a bit you know? How did the interview go?” Jeremy walked up to the chair and leaned down to press his lips to Shawn’s in a brief tender kiss at the same time playfully mussing his hair then rose to stand while he answered. “It was good. You can take a look at it later.” Shawn nodded his head then slowly rose to stand up from the chair. “Yeah sure, maybe in the morning, but now I think we can use a little time for ourselves.” He playfully pushed Jeremy back upon the bed then moved to sit over him straddling his lap as they began to undress one another. Shawn eager to forget what he had been up to and wanting to avoid too much talk for fear of being forced to directly lie. This thought causing a shock of pain to run through him.

 

            Jenny had awakened early the next morning and was sipping her usual cup of coffee before getting dressed. She had at last got all the pieces finished that she would need for the show tomorrow. The portrait of Susan she had subconsciously done still stood covered up like some dirty little secret, but she decided not to be childish about it and would whitewash over the canvas, but not yet, she could not deal with it just yet, and she still had set up work to do. She had to get dressed then drive down to the gallery and set things up. She walked over to the coffee table and sat the mug down then she walked off into her room going to the closet to pick out her clothing for the day. A knee high black skirt with fishnet nylons and a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off. She dressed and laced up her boots and began to gather up her paintings. She would have to make several trips from her loft to the car and back so she just leaned the canvases against the wall near the door taking the first one she began to make her way down to the car leaving the door unlocked. As she reached the car she set the canvas down leaning it against the car and opened up the trunk then set the canvas inside and went back up for the next, until all fiver of her pieces were loaded up. With that done she would lock up the loft and go back to the car and get in and drive to the gallery.

            Pulling up in front of the building she put the car in park then got out walking around the back to the trunk she began to unload the canvas’s and take them inside of the building. There was a woman inside sitting at a desk whom she checked in with and who would begin to help her set up as Jenny decided where and how she wanted her pieces displayed. Then little cards would be put by each piece which stated the name of the piece, the artist’s name, the median, and the cost. Once everything was ready for the showing she thanked the woman for her help and turned back to her car to stop by a café before returning to home again.

 

            Shawn was up at the computer working on the interview that Jeremy had conducted the other day. Jeremy did most of the field work for The Underground and Shawn did most of the computer work, the editing and the organizing of the magazine, but often they shared tasks, it was not exclusive. Jeremy was still in bed at the moment sleeping though Shawn figured he ought to be waking up pretty soon, and all the while Shawn worked upon the magazine like he said he would his mind much to his distaste was scheming. He wanted to speak with Jason though he figured he would get much the same kind of response from him as everyone else, something within him told him he should talk to Jason sometime before the show where they would all be together, but Jeremy would be home all day today, so it seemed the one thing Shawn had been trying to avoid, a direct lie, he would have to succumb. Of course at one point or another the thought had crossed his mind that any of the others, Jenny, Priscilla or Jason might talk to Jeremy about Shawn’s question some part of him deep inside told him they never would speak of it.

            He was suddenly startled out of his own thoughts by the feel of a hand upon his shoulder and the press of warm moist lips to his cheek, turning away from the computer screen he looked up to see Jeremy standing over him and he tried perhaps a little too hard to look natural as if Jeremy could read his mind. “Hey babe how is it coming? What do you think of the interview?” Shawn smiled wanly. “Oh, it looks good, it will be a nice addition for this week’s issue.” Jeremy looked for a moment to the computer screen at the format Shawn set out for the magazine then nodded approvingly before he began to walk off toward the door of the bedroom his voice trailing behind him. “I am going to get some coffee going, I will bring you a cup. Don’t work too hard.” Shawn chuckled a bit to that and nodded his head, for a moment and not for the last time he felt a sudden jab to just tell Jeremy everything but against his better knowledge he stopped himself and just turned back to the work on the computer. “Thanks a lot, and don’t worry, I should have everything wrapped up pretty quick here.”

            Jeremy made it back into the bedroom a short while latter with two cups of coffee and he set one of the cups down upon the desk by the computer then walked over to the bed and sat down sipping from his own mug. Shawn glanced up and smiled then pushed his chair back away from the computer reaching up for the mug he brought it to his lips and spun around in the chair facing Jeremy. “Thanks Hun. I think I can take a brake now there is not much left to do.” Jeremy smiled lowering the mug in his hands as he brought up one of his bare feet and placed it on the chair between Shawn’s legs. “That is better, so what do you want to do? We deserve a day off.” Shawn glanced down to Jeremy’s foot and grinned a bit, he was looking forward to spending some time alone with Jeremy, though for a moment the thought flashed through his mind, what about Jason? When will he find the time to talk to him? He quickly pushed that out of his mind and took another sip of coffee.

 

            Priscilla was still in bed lying upon her stomach half tangled in her sheets which were twisted around, she had a bad night, old nightmares, old urges. Now she was somewhere between waking and sleeping when suddenly the phone was screaming and she groaned and pushed herself up throwing back the covers she slipped out of the bed and walked over to the phone picking it up and putting to her ear speaking groggily into it. “Hello” she was surprised to hear Jason’s voice at the other end of the phone sounding much more chipper then she was. “Hey I hope I did not wake you or anything. I was just thinking, I don’t know what your schedule is like but maybe we could do something today. Go out have a little fun. Whatever.” “No you did not wake me it is fine.” She half lied wondering if anyone ever really admitted on the phone to having been wakened from the call. “Yeah sure we can do something. I can take a day from work.” She was not sure how convincing she sounded or how enthusiastic perhaps was a better word, but she did look forward to an excuse to play hooky she was not looking forward to going into work today. “Great” Jason replied sounding as hyper as ever. “I will swing around pick you up, maybe we can catch a movie or something see ya when I see ya.” With that he hung up the phone and left Priscilla holding her phone to here ear in a brief state of confusion before she hung up the receiver. She found the call odd for some reason, though she supposed it was in fact natural enough. She headed to the bathroom to begin to get ready not knowing exactly when he would show up.

            She fixed up her hair brushing it out and then put on her make up and walked back into her bedroom as she walked to her closet pulling out a pair of low rider jeans and pulled them on then a simple tank with spaghetti straps across it, in glittery letters it said Angel and had devil horns curling up from the A and the L. Once she was dressed all she could do was wait and she walked to the couch pushing some of her junk out of the way and plopped down her bare feet resting on the edge of the table. She did not even bother to call into work and tell them she would not be coming in. She rooted around until she found the remote and turned on the TV and flipped through the channels broadly and without enthusiasm stopping a moment on a news network and watched for a few moments. Nothing really interesting going on just more of the same.

            It was not long before she heard a knock upon the door and she turned off the TV then she pushed herself up to stand up and she walked over to the door and pulled it open seeing Jason standing on the other side of the door and she smiled then stepped to the side a bit to allow him entry. “Hey, that was quick, come on in.” Jason gave a sly smile as he moved into the room at her offer. “Yeah well what is the use of having a fast car if you don’t let her go.” Priscilla offered a laugh to this but it struck her strange it sounded so unlike the Jason she remembered and she made her way to the couch to sit again. “So, have any plans for us?”

 

            Jeremy and Shawn pulled up in front of the café, they were in Jeremy’s car. It was a place they enjoyed when they could. It was a small place, the kind of place where the lights were always dim giving it an air of intimacy. Often it seemed people associated the intimate with the sophisticated. You just could not be intellectual of the lights were too bright. The café was never very crowded it was a place there the artists, intellects, philosophers, enlightened and snobs came and gathered to read, debate, share. It was a community for modern beatniks. As Jeremy and Shawn walked in together they headed for a table for two in the back against a wall there was a candle upon the table and a vase with a rose, a live one at that. The stage were the mike was for those that wanted to recite poetry, try their hand at comedy, test their musical skills or just express themselves as they saw fit was empty now.

 

            Jake and Priscilla pulled into the parking lot for the movie theater, they were in his car and had decided to go see the new suspense/thriller that was out. Afterwards they would find a place to get something to eat, maybe have a few drinks and who knew after that. As they pulled into a vacant spot Jake jumped out of his car, the hood was down so he did not bother to open the door just leapt over it, what a jackass, he then walked around to the other side of the door and opened the door up Priscilla and she stepped out. He offered her his arm in a mocking way, at least some of the old Jake was alive somewhere in this new shell. He always had a good sense of humor. She smiled and placed her hand upon his arm and they began to walk together to the ticket window.

            It was about two hours later when Jason and Priscilla would come walking out of the theater together, they both enjoyed the movie and thought it was pretty good. They walked across the parking lot to his car as he opened the door for her to let her in then he walked around to hop into his car and started it up they pulled out of the parking and he turned to look to her. “So where you want to eat at?”

            They ended up pulling into the parking lot of Tropica, it was one of those restaurants that had a tropical island theme to it, with palm trees, and toucans, and served spicy south western and Mexican cuisine. It was pretty cheap and decent. They got out of the car and made their way into the restaurant. It was quiet this time of day and they did not have to wait for a table. They were seated and ordered tropical drinks, one of those alcoholic drinks with the cutesy little names that came in pretty colors that came with small paper umbrellas. After the waitress, her name was Pam, Priscilla for some reason thought, that was the kind of name you found in truck stop cafes not hot spicy restaurants, but the girl was a young blond, and peppy enough. She thought Jake was flirting with her. A slight smile coming to her lips as she thought that he would have gotten her number and went to bed with her if she were not here, once she had left they picked up their menus and began to look over them. As they looked they chatted idly among themselves about the movie and work, though somehow it did not feel completely natural. Perhaps she was just imagining things. 

 

            Jeremy and Shawn sat across from each other eating their deli sandwiches which they ordered and sipping drinking coffee as they talked mostly about the new issue of The Underground which was to come out in a month. As they spoke together under the table they had slipped off their shows as their feet played against one another. During this time Shawn had forgotten about his troubles. At this time there was someone standing on the stage at the mike reciting poetry it sounded like, though she was not really paying attention. She was a doe eyed girl with stingy hair. The type that always looked like some poor hapless victim. Jeremy reached across the table top and moved his hand over Shawn’s tracing his fingers over the back of his hand gently as Sawn looked down with a sly grin and then looked within Jeremy’s eyes. “You know,” Jeremy began, “I have been thinking that we should take a break from the magazine for a while. Plan a trip go off together. We have not had a real vacation in I do not know when. And are anniversary is coming up.” Shawn leaned across the table careful of the food and pressed his lips over Jeremy’s then pulled back. “I love the idea Hun.”

 

            Jenny had a cup of coffee at the café then she returned to her loft. Though she had not done much for some reason it seemed as if it had been a long day. She headed up the stairs and unlocked the door then walked inside closing and locking the door behind her. She made her way to her bed and just flopped down still dressed upon it. After a short time she fell to sleep, though it would not be a comforting nap. Her head was filled with unwanted dreams of things from that past that had not entered her mind in a long time. She tossed and turned with the images of the night Susan died.

 

            After lunch and a few drinks Priscilla and Jason had finished and paid the bill, deciding to spilt it at Priscilla’s insistence they discussed what to do next for a few minutes. “Why don’t we go back to my place?” Jason spoke up, “after all it seems only fair I have seen your place.” For some reason Priscilla hesitated a moment and almost told him that she just wanted to go back home and crash, but she so no logical reason to say no, instead she replied, “yeah sure, that sounds good, lets go.” They left Tropica and hopped back into his car and headed to his bachelor pad as he called it. It was a bit of a drive before they came upon Jason’s place. It was an apartment, but a rather nice one Priscilla judged from the building. It was in a better part of town then her own place was. Once they her inside, though it seemed typical of most single men Jason was not the neatest of people, but who was she to talk it was in fact cleaner then her own dwelling, she could it was in fact a very nice apartment. She wondered a moment where he got the money for the place, he could not make that much as a mechanic but then she pushed the thoughts away, she had no place to judge or speculate. “So what do you think?” She was drawn suddenly out of her thoughts by the voice and gave perhaps a slightly forced smile. “It is really a nice place you have here.” “Take a seat and make yourself comfortable, you want anything to drink? A cigarette? Anything?” Pricilla thought for a moment. “Sure, I will take a beer if you have one.” With that Jason disappeared into the kitchen to come back out a moment later with two cans of beer, though she doubted either of them needed more to drink after lunch, it somehow felt less awkward to have a drink. She took her can and popped it open.

 

            Jenny shot up in her bed her eyes wide as she screamed out then took a deep breath and looked carefully around her loft. Beginning to regain her bearings she started to calm down and spoke out to no one. “I am not going crazy.” She rose to stand and walked to her bathroom moving inside she opened up her medicine cabinet and looked for a moment over to her old bottle of Paxil and wondered if she should pay a visit to her doctor, but she could hardly afford last time her parents paid for it. She had not spoken to them sense she was released. She splashed some water upon her face and then walked over to the phone picking it up and on impulse dialed Jeremy’s number. The phone rang and rang until the machine picked. She thought a moment then not knowing what to say she just hung up muttering to herself as she set the receiver back down. “Must be out with Shawn.”

 

            Jeremy and Shawn were just finishing there coffee and sandwiches at the café about the time that Jenny had tried to call the apartment. “So,” Shawn leaned over the table a bit with one of his sly smiles as he talked looking Jeremy in the eye. “What shall we do now?” Jeremy could not help but to grin as touched his nose to Shawn’s before answering. “Want to go out dancing? Shawn smiled a bit wider as he put the money down on the table for the food and tip then began to stand up taking Jeremy’s hand within his own and squeezing it. “I would love to, where shall we go?” Jeremy began to stand with Shawn keeping hold of his hand and raising it to his lips kissing the back of it.             

“ What about Jenelles?” “Sounds great” Shawn replied as they began to walk out the door together.

 

            After a couple of drinks Priscilla and Jake found themselves making out on his couch. It was nothing that had been planned. At least not completely, Priscilla could not help but think that Jake had been expecting this from the moment he called her, but she let herself be led into it and made no protest so she could hardly be angry with him. They were wiggling out of each others clothing when Jake whispered into her ear. “Want to stay here or go into my room?” She did not see where it really made much of a difference either way but for some reason, perhaps it was just the first thought that came to her mind she told him she wanted to do it in the bedroom. So he rose with her from the couch and they began to move down the hall into his room. A quick glance, as that was all that was really allowed before he had her on the bed told her his room was surprisingly neat. It was not long before they were both stripped completely naked with remnants of their clothing spread throughout the apartment, shoes and socks in the living room, pants, shirts in the hall, and under garments on the floor in the room.

 

            Jeremy and Shawn pulled up into the parking lot of Jenelles. Jenelles was a more classy kind of place, it was not like most the dance clubs in this day an age with just a bunch of people rubbing against each other with loud music playing in the background. Janelles hosts real dancing, tango, swing, salsa, rumba, ball room dancing, and so on. Tonight was in fact swing night which was pleasing to Jeremy and Shawn. They rather enjoyed swing.

            Jeremy got out of the car first and walked around to open the door for Shawn then took his hand as they made their way to the front doors as they slipped inside Jeremy paid their way and they decided to walk toward one of the tables near the dance floor and wait until a fresh song started. While they waited Shawn walked up to the bar to order drinks for them both.

            Shawn soon came back to the table with two drinks one in each hand and set them down as he took a seat next to Jeremy while they watched the dancers that were on the floor now as they sipped their drinks and Shawn leaned over and kissed Jeremy lightly just behind the ear. He smiled and placed his free hand under the table over Shawn’s leg caressing the top of it over the knee lightly.

 

            Jenny found herself unable to get back to sleep after the nightmare and she paced around her loft after turning on the lights and preparing a cup of coffee. Her eyes trailed to the covered canvas that held the portrait of Susan and she thought a moment. She should really white was it and paint over it. She began to walk across the room to the canvas and reached up feeling an unreasonable fear as she grabbed the cloth and pulled it away as she turned to look to the canvas what she saw made her scream and she jumped back slightly with a curse as hot coffee splashed up on her arm. Was I dreaming? She thought to herself as she looked back to the empty canvas that sat in front of her now. The portrait gone without a trace.

            She did not know what to do as she stood there gapping at the empty canvas before. She was certain. It hardly seemed possible that she could have imagined or dreamed the portrait. The only thing she could do to get her mind off of it was to set her coffee aside and then get out her paints and sit down to start filling the canvas with color. She did not have a plan and did not really know what she was painting she just let her emotions go to get her mind off everything and focus it into the colors and the paints and the work.

 

            Shawn and Jeremy were now upon the dance floor together enjoying each other and for the moment Shawn’s mind was no where on his quest to find out what happened with Susan or his need to speak with Jason, as it seemed now such could not be done until he saw him tomorrow at the art show. The feelings of guilt for going behind Jeremy’s back in his quest lay forgotten as things for this moment, and perhaps for the last time would be normal between them unknowing that their lives were teetering on an edge that could never be returned from.

 

            Priscilla had no idea really what she was doing with Jason as she lay upon her back in his room looking to the ceiling while he slept beside her, one arm draped around her waist. Both still nude sheets tangled around their bodies. She did not think she was really attached to him he was not her type and she certainly did not have any particular feelings for him. Perhaps she just did not want to be alone, maybe he was just familiar to her. She turned her head looking to the red glowing lights of the clock radio. It was morning but still very early but she found herself unable to sleep. She slowly and quietly slipped off the bed placing her feet upon the floor letting Jason’s arm just drop to the bed in the empty space she stood and would make her way into the kitchen.

            She hunted around and thankfully found the coffee and she went about making some. She could not help but to feel some anxiety about attending the art show. She felt guilty in the fact that she did not really want to go. Was she really still jealous of Jenny and Jeremy and how close the two have always been? Even knowing neither of them would stand any chance with him now anyway. Or was there something else? She began to wonder why she even agreed to this whole get together thing. It seemed like a bad idea. None of them really had anything in common anymore. It would have been better if they all just continued on with their individual lives, but now it seemed too late to go back to that. They were woven together once more.

            Jason woke up to the call of nature and stretched out within the bed as he had reached over to give Priscilla a light tap on her rear he found the space empty and became more aware. Sitting up in the bed and pushing back the covers he looked around. Seeing a distant glow of yellow light coming from the kitchen he rose to stand and first walked into the bathroom having to relive himself. After he finished his business he made his way in slightly dragging footsteps perhaps still some grogginess about him, into the kitchen looking to Priscilla as she sat naked sipping her coffee. He leaned against the wall and scratched his stomach with one hand letting out a large yawn. “Couldn’t sleep babe?” She looked up suddenly startled upon hearing his voice then she gave a slight shake of her head and did her best to offer up a smile. “No I guess not. What are you doing up?” He walked over to one of the cupboards and pulled out a box a cereal. It might have been a bit early for breakfast but what the hell, they were all up now anyone. Getting a bowl he filled it then grabbed the milk from the fridge and walked to the table to sit down in an empty chair. “I had to take a piss and I saw the light on in here. Noticed you were out of bed.” He shrugged still not yet completely coherent.

            Shawn lay upon his back staring up to the ceiling, they were back home now in bed after a wonderful night together. Dinner, dancing, and then lovemaking, it seemed better tonight then usual. Perhaps Shawn just worked out some of the stress that had been building in him lately, but now he was having trouble sleeping. He turned his head to the side and saw Jeremy sleeping peacefully beside him and smiled brushing his lips over Jeremy’s lightly before pushing aside the sheets and slipping out of the bed. His feet met with the cold floor as he rose to stand and walked out of the bedroom into the living room, not wanting to use the phone in the bedroom for fear of waking Jeremy. Just what he was doing he did not know, but he could not help it. His mind wouldn’t rest. It was ridiculously early he knew.

            Pulling up a chair he sat down and reached over picking up the phone he dialed the number carefully and for a moment almost lost his nerve and hung up, but he held fast and kept dialing then waited as the phone rang until a voice, groggy and sounding a bit irritated, understandably so, could be heard. “Yeah, who is this?” After a moment Shawn got himself to speak. “Hello, I am sorry to bother you at this hour, but I meant to talk to you, I have not been able to earlier. I have been caught up in some things…or sorry, this is Shawn by the way.” There was a moment of silence and at first Shawn thought he would hear a click but then the voice came back sounding more awake but still just as annoyed. “What? Couldn’t it wait until tomorrow? What is it? Did something happen?”

            As Priscilla was sitting at the table listening she perked up a bit wondering who Jason could be speaking with, and who would call at this hour. Though as far as she knew it could have just been some friend of his or someone from his work, or something from his life she did not want to know about. She tried not to eavesdrop upon the conversation but it was hard she had to admit.

            “I am really sorry,” Shawn continued upon his end of it, keeping his voice low just in case Jeremy did wake up, “but I thought it was best to talk to you before we met again tomorrow. I wanted to talk about Susan; Jeremy won’t tell me much about it. He gets closed mouth about the subject. I just want to know what happened.”

            There was a moment of silence as Jason just stared into the phone, his knuckles turned white as he gripped the phone tighter. His tongue slid out from between his lips to wet them. Priscilla could see the change come over his face and wondered what was going on. It did not look good. Slowly Jason began to speak again in a voice too low for Priscilla to overhear though much to her shame she found herself straining to try. “I don’t have anything to tell you about that. Just let it go. You were not even there. It was just an accident. We were stupid kids then. I didn’t see nothing, nobody did. Maybe she jumped, maybe she fell. It was a long time ago and we have moved on with our lives.” Shawn detected a tone of anger in Jason’s voice and thought it would be for the best to let the matter drop though he wondered why everyone was so tense about the subject if it was just an accident. “I am sorry, you are right. I had no right calling at this hour; I will let you go, see you tomorrow.” He then hung up before Jason could give any further response. After hearing the click Jason set the phone back down and turned to look to Priscilla, with the look he gave her, her question was held and swallowed back before it could get out. It was as if he knew just what was on her mind, and it was clear he did not want to talk about it. She would be left to wonder.

            Shawn hung up the phone slowly, and stood a moment in the dark before he turned and walked back down the hall and into the bedroom. Carefully pulling back the covers he slipped back into bed. Jeremy stirred a bit and slowly looked up to him seemingly still quite tired and groggy; Shawn smiled down to him as he began to lie back down. “Had you use the restroom babe.” He leaned over and kissed Jeremy on the lips softly. Jeremy smiled and closed his eyes falling back to sleep, and Shawn lay upon his back starting at the ceiling until at last sleep would take him.

            After hanging up from the phone call Jason walked back into his room and opened a drawer digging around he pulled out a pair of pants and slid them on then he grabbed his shirt and threw it own, slipping into his shoes and lacing up he walked out of the room without a word as Priscilla still at the table watched him with a certain unease, and she was vaguely aware of the fact that some part of her was fried of him. He grabbed the keys to his car and then looked back to her over his shoulder. “I am going for a drive” He then slammed out the door before she could give any response or protest. Hearing the care rev up then peel away outside she looked to the phone a moment and wondered who it could have been. Though it was none of her business she could help but to feel compelled, standing up she walked over to the phone and picked it up in a shaky hand, knowing this was probably wrong and feeling some sudden unexplainable dread as if she knew in the pit of her stomach she really did not want to know, but she could not stop herself. She reached up and pressed in the numbers for star 69 she then would wait part of her hoping the operator would come on and tell her that the last call could not be returned, but after a few moments she heard the clear ring of a phone. Almost hanging up she held fast and took in a deep breath, realizing she had no idea what she was going to say if someone answered.

 

            Having not yet gotten back to sleep, perhaps feeling guilty about what he had done, all the snaking around, feeling guilty that even after the wonderful night, that was on his mind and he could not let it go, his thoughts would be disrupted by the shill shriek of the phone wondering who could be calling him now. Could Jason be calling back? Did he have a change of heart? Shawn quickly got out of the bed and began to make his way out of the room and down the hall, by the time he got there the phone had screamed out a sound time and was working up to the third when he picked up. “Hello?” Priscilla was shocked when she heard the voice and nearly dropped the phone, blurting out the first thing that came to mind, she instantly whished she hadn’t and wished she had only hung up instead. “Shawn? Is that you?” It was now Shawn’s turn to be surprised wondering what was going on. Did Jason tell her? “Yes, it is me, is something wrong?” It was too late to make up anything rational that she could say she realized, and it was now too late to hang up, but a part of her was faintly aware she did not want to admit to the fact that she was with Jason. Was she ashamed? Guilty? But why? After a moment of silence she would start to speak once more. “I…..well…did you just call Jason a few minutes ago?” She braced herself after answering as if expecting some ridicule or accusation to be brought upon her; somehow she was surprised when Shawn responded with what seemed to be complete disinterest or ignorance of what Priscilla thought herself to be indirectly admitting, though why should he care?

            Shawn was not sure just how to answer this, how could she know? He decided he would just play dumb at first and not admit anything that may not already be known. “No, I was in bed, why do you ask?” Priscilla doubted this for she had no logical reason for why his number would come up with he had not called, but she did not know why Shawn would lay. Vaguely flashes of her conversation with Shawn earlier would come to mind. Could it be? Was he questioning Jason too? But why did he care so much? “Oh……well it is just that…..,” she found herself not wanting to say it, but she just had to know the truth but could not bring herself to launch accusation or try and corner him, “well Jason revived this phone call, and then he just left the apartment, he seemed upset about something.” She found herself unable to admit she had star 69 and decided just to let Shawn use his imagination in figuring out why she would assume it was him that called. Shawn found himself feeling a mix of guilt and fear upon hearing this, and he was almost compelled to admit the truth, what if Jason got himself in a car wreck? Or what if he was on his way here to confront him. He might have told Priscilla that he had called and why but was stopped when he heard Jeremy behind him, apparently the phone had wakened him. “Who is that?” “I am sorry” Shawn said into the phone then hung up and turned fully to Jeremy wondering how long he had been standing there, and trying to recall all that was said wondering if any could give anything away. “It was nothing, wrong number. Let’s go back to bed.” He did not know how convincing he really sounded or was, but it was late and Jeremy was still tired, he did not seem to notice anything out of the place and just nodded as turned to walk back to the bed with Shawn.

Day 6

I am happy with my writing for today, and finally I was able to get some writing done 2 days in a row. I really need to get myself to write tomorrow, because what usually happens, when I end up skipping Wensday is becasue I do not writer on Friday’s, Thursday I just tell myself I will wait tell Monday to start writing again, and than becasue I get caught up doing other things on the weakends, that is only writing 2 days a week, and I need to be doing more than that.

Todays Word count: 528

Day 5

I was happy with the writing I got done today. It is still a strugle to try and fall into an every day scheledule, but I have plans to write tomorrow as well. I think things are starting to move forward a little better, hopefully.

Todays word count: 707

Reflections of a Writer

Though I love writing, and belivie that I am skilled at the art. Feel that it is my true calling, I have moments of doubt. I question myself as a writer and wonder if I am simply being biased in my opinion of myself. But others tell me I am a good wrtier, those that are not personally connected to me, and would have no reason to tell me they like my work were it not true. Though I am not one to seek validation in others. It is like looking in a mirror. You cannot truly judge yourself in your own reflection, what do you have but others to confirm or deny. So I must accept that I am a good writer and put my fears and doubts aside.

Day 4

I am happy I managed to get some writing done today, though not as much asI would have liked, but at least I had made some improvement.

Todays word count: 180

They Who Watch

Always the gray eyes watching
I feely them burn into my back
I cannot escape a distant glare

I wonder where they go
and where they come from
peering inside my soul

There is no escape upon this plain
or the next one and the next
just this feeling which prevades

Knowing they are glowing
or glowering, shadows
can see

There is no blindness
when the sun reccedes
beneath the sky
into Nut’s whomb

Swalloing it whole
as it truns the cycle
death and rebirth
with the constant change

Day 3

I have been bad lately. I havn’t got any writing done in a while.  I really need to get myself back into the swing of things. But it seems other things keep coming back up, but I should do at least some writing every day. I have managed to get a little writing done today.

Todays word count: 270

Devil has my soul

Can I live with this pain
I have no choice

I have decided to remain
even the hope
can be tainted

While wating in the dark
I want to dig it out
my heart

Might it stop
but than I am still here
waiting for a chance
that is like a dream
a nightmere
a scream

I cannot breath
I need you here
and now

to tell me how

yet I know I am alone
just at this time
when I would like to put my head
within the noose

But I resit
I insist

Save me
save me

I am falling
fallen
felled

Slayed
and slain

No more of this
but my head begins
to pound

How I have lept into this
I have been left to think
to refelct

My very soul
it yearns
and it burns
and it twists
tormented

So I am
so I stand
but I want it to stop

There is only this
a distant pulse
I am it

Beanth the sky
into the sea
plunge me down

I free me
and breath once more
maybe
it will suffice

To put these feelings on ice
submered back into myself
but for a moment
I was taken.

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